Storm

There is nothing like the beauty of a good storm. I was actually hoping for one today. I watched in anticipation as the clouds began to over take the sky. The wind started moving the trees, first a graceful ballet then an elaborate salsa. But as soon as it began it was gone. A few random claps of thunder, a brief flash and it was gone. Such is the course of my life these days.

In my mind I have all the makings of a good storm. Anger and confusion have been blending with depression. The churning of my daily emotions is capped by a lack of willpower. My self is delaying me much like the lid on a pressure cooker. I explode in a furious binge of sugar and carbs, my drugs of choice. I eat and eat in hopes of silencing my self doubt. But nothing seems to fix my problems. It’s like the storm today. A lot of build up but no satisfaction. 

Old age

I’m doing my best to learn to love new technology but my old age is showing. I’m 40 and I remember all too well the birth of the Internet. I was in college in 1993 when someone introduced me to ISCA. The Iowa state Computer Association. It was my ticket to a new world. I was able just using words to meet strangers all over the world. It was nothing like Facebook. I could talk and flirt with strangers!!!!

And now on this IPad I can’t even type. I hate this. I feel like I’m struggling for each and every word. I miss my keys! The click and the give of each key as it snapped so witty under my God like fingers.  And the numbers and symbols aren’t in the same places and I wonder if this is how my grandparents felt when they were given new things?

I remember how my Pepaw loved technology. Anything new he wanted to have. He bought a microwave when the average cost of a  microwave was $275. He just had to have one! At first it was just good for melting butter and heating up honey buns but soon the world caught up to the microwave. I could have bought a microwave for $30 last Christmas. It’s crazy.

Meanwhile I can’t stand this new app culture we live in. I really have no clue how to read Twitter. It’s so damn confusing. And snapchat? What is that like I need more temporary pictures of crap. Viral indeed. I would be able to type three times as fast if I didn’t have some moron suggesting words for me. Do I sound like a grumpy old man? Well good people should hear the anger in my voice! How is Snap Chat fun? Really. 

Autocorrect pisses me off! You know what we did for autocorrect in the 90’s? You had your smart friend sign up for computer time with you in the computer lab and made said smartfriend  sit next to you and correct your mistakes as you made them. Too many mistakes, you got grateful that you had such a smart friend or you punched them in the face. I can’t count the number of fist fights that occurred in the computer lab in the 90’s. 

Meanwhile I have a cramp in my fingers cause I have to type on the onscreen keyboard on my lap otherwise I can’t see the keys, but thank God for bifocals. Yes, I’m 40 and I wear bifocals! I could do without but then the keyboard would be at arms length and I wouldn’t be able to reach it to type. I did not sign up for this! 

And the constant noise in my knees. I know that’s not technology related but it sounds like someone opening an ice tray every time I try to stand up. What’s up with that? It’s like Rice Krispies on steroids. And the old lady hormones? I’m going to just kick young women when they complain about PMS.  

So today I’m feeling old #oldagesucks

My heart’s not ready 

My heart’s not ready to let you go. If it were I’d tell you so.

I’d pack your things and tell you no, but my hearts not ready to let you go.

They are going to take you away from me. If only they knew , if only they could see.

I need you right here to take care of me but they are going to take you away from me.

My hearts not ready can’t you see? My heart won’t let your memory be.

My hearts not ready but it’s a choice I don’t make.

My hearts not ready and it’s more than I can take.