My soulmate my love
You are going to leave me alone.
I’m going to wait for you until there is no more.
Today , tomorrow, a million years from now I will be there hungering and yearning for you.
Will you be here for me? Will time heal or hurt?
Don’t change me.
I have been thinking about this a lot. I know I can survive. I just don’t feel like it sometimes. My life has been in chaos mode for a while now and I feel like I am just on the edge of survival. But I do know one of the keys to my survival is to just keep swimming. It may seem juvenile to take my life advice from a blue fish in an old movie, but here I am doing it.
I think about the cats when I think of survival. The cats, all five of them, belong to the neighborhood. My house is just their dining room table. They at one time depended on the goodness of my neighbor across the street. She was a nice lady who was tragically killed in a car wreck last summer. Her two children survived the accident. Survival to them is much different. They probably feel a great deal of grief having survived and their mother losing her life on that highway. Survival meant coming home to the father they were trying to get away from and depending upon grandparents to survive. I feel so humbled when I worry about my own survival compared to theirs. I’m going to be lonely for sure, but the people I love are still alive, just being housed somewhere away from me.
The cats survive because they don’t care where they sleep or stay. They truly only see me when it comes to food and I oblige. Their survival depends on me I suppose. And I depend upon them.
I will survive. I know this its just going to take time and patience. I want this chapter in my life to be over already but I have to live through it. And I know I can. I just wish this grief and loneliness would erase itself.
Everything contained on this minute
Is nothing more than the universe
In a drop of rain.
Just a small planet in this galaxy
In a drop of rain.
All of yesterday and tomorrow
In a drop of rain
On a blade of grass
I’m going to use this blog to express myself creatively. I hate introductions like this because it seems to be the antithesis of my name. Its not really genuine, you know. I just want a place where I can write and since no one really reads my blog anyway, its a place to unwind. This is going to be a cruel summer and I need a place to store all those feelings. So try not to get your shoes to dirty wading in all the stuff I am going to put on this blog. Have fun tripping around in my nonsense.