Storm

There is nothing like the beauty of a good storm. I was actually hoping for one today. I watched in anticipation as the clouds began to over take the sky. The wind started moving the trees, first a graceful ballet then an elaborate salsa. But as soon as it began it was gone. A few random claps of thunder, a brief flash and it was gone. Such is the course of my life these days.

In my mind I have all the makings of a good storm. Anger and confusion have been blending with depression. The churning of my daily emotions is capped by a lack of willpower. My self is delaying me much like the lid on a pressure cooker. I explode in a furious binge of sugar and carbs, my drugs of choice. I eat and eat in hopes of silencing my self doubt. But nothing seems to fix my problems. It’s like the storm today. A lot of build up but no satisfaction. 

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My heart’s not ready 

My heart’s not ready to let you go. If it were I’d tell you so.

I’d pack your things and tell you no, but my hearts not ready to let you go.

They are going to take you away from me. If only they knew , if only they could see.

I need you right here to take care of me but they are going to take you away from me.

My hearts not ready can’t you see? My heart won’t let your memory be.

My hearts not ready but it’s a choice I don’t make.

My hearts not ready and it’s more than I can take.